The Early Hours Bring Out The Weirdness

Sometimes late at night I like to explore the blogosphere via the “Next Blog” button at the top of the page. That button is the internet equivalent of a ticket to the carnival”¦you’ll probably enjoy yourself immensely, but only after you become acclimated to all the freaks.

I’ve found one recurring motif that connects all the bad writing and self-indulgent ranting: the self-photograph. I’m sure you’ve seen them. They’re usually poorly lit and the subject is trying painstakingly hard to look introspective and moody. In fact, I remember reading somewhere that the creators of Myspace use millions of self-photographs daily to fuel their massive servers.

Well, as you may have noticed, I’m experiencing something of a draught in the self-photograph area here at Hyperliterature, so tonight at 3:30 A.M. I decided to try my hand at the most popular form of photography on the internet today.

I’d like to share my attempts at achieving the perfect self-photo:

After my first photo I discovered that self-photography was no walk in the park as I had previously suspected. This was going to take some work, but I was determined to capture a self-photo with the perfect combination of ego-centricity and correct body placement.

Damn! Much too close, even for something as ego-centric as the self-photo.

Ok. I botched this one up completely. I don’t even remember taking this one, but I gotta admit, Ellie does have the self-photo vibe goin’ on. I’m jealous.

Now with this photo I felt as if I was making progress. I really liked this one, and for a moment considered using it next year in our Christmas cards. Unfortunately a quick review of self-photos throughout the internets revealed my joy in this photo as highly inappropriate. I needed a much more somber tone.

BINGO! But I still felt as if something was missing”¦and then it hit me: I’m not canting the camera at a weird, vertigo-inducing angle. It’s gotta look like a drunk(er?) Orson Welles shot the photo, and this one just conforms to the x axis much too perfectly.

Holy crap that looks narssissic! That’s exactly what I was after, weird-angle and all. After a few color tweaks compliments of Photoshop I’m proud to present you with:

There. Now I feel like an honest-to-goodness blogger and perfectly prepared to begin a MySpace page.

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Comments

  1. Anniina says:

    ROFL Mark, you RULE! This is why I visit your blog entirely too many times a week – love your sense of humor, and I always feel cheered up after a visit. Kudos on the brooding self-photo, LOL!

  2. leigh says:

    ellie totally has you beat…

  3. Mark A. says:

    That brooding self-photo took me a lot of work…well, ok not really, but I’m glad it made you laugh.

    Ellie does have me beat, but then again doesn’t she always?

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