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As much as I love technology, I’ve never really been one of the book-alarmists that’s concerned about some technological innovation making the book format obsolete. There are just certain things that books are really good at that handheld devices aren’t. To begin with, books look impressive and awesomely elitist when they’re stacked neatly on a shelf. Just try making a pompous remark standing in front of a bookshelf that’s filled with Kindles instead of actual books. I guarantee you won’t sound like a classy gentleman. No, odds are good you’ll sound like a total d-bag.

Sadly, there is one area where books seem to be losing ground to technology. It pains me greatly to type this, but I believe that in five, maybe ten years time, we’ll cease to see books resting in the shadows of toilet bowls all across the world. Yes, I think that people will stop reading on the potty and will instead surf the internet, read their email, or watch videos via the tiny screen of their smart phones.

Before high speed internet became available on smart phones, it was simply impractical to work on the computer while relaxing on the old throne. Sure, you could haul your laptop into the loo with you, but those damn things get mighty hot, and there’s nothing worse than scorching your pubic area (I would imagine, anyway).

But now smart phones, like the iPhone or the G1, allow just about anyone to sit, shit, and surf the net without the fear of burning off pubic hair, which does not bode well for the codex. Before long, instead of your loved one yelling “Bring me something to read for God’s sake! This is gonna take a while,” you’re likely to hear “Hey! HEY! Is the router down! ‘Cause I’m not getting a signal and I’m just beginning to turtlehead!”

I would finish this post with some kind of pun or flashy ending, but I don’t really have time because I desperately need to go plug in my iPhone. The battery is almost dead and we had steak tonight.

I think I’m gonna need all the charge I can get.

Categories: Jackassery | Comments

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  1. Flood says:

    So was this one of those articles you have been working on for a while to perfect?

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