Meth Addicts Ruin Everything

I think I’ve already bitched about Texas’s idiotic decision to place all medicines containing pseudoephedrine behind the counter at the drugstore. This pisses me off. They do this under the mistaken assumption that by making medications that contain pseudoephedrine difficult to obtain that the number of people who buy them for the nefarious purpose of making meth will decline. It won’t. And as I’ve said before, F the people who are addicted to that crap. I have a cold, and I don’t have time to wait in line for the slow-ass people at Walgreens.

Anyway, last week I went in to get some cold medicine and was pleased to see that the people at Walgreens had moved all the good stuff back out onto the floor. I didn’t have to wait in line, and I was able to get my medicine and get out of the store in a hurry.

Now I’m unhappy again. Why? Well, because I realized why they put this stuff back out on the sales floor. I got a little suspicious after I had taken severaldrug doses and didn’t feel any better. I had bought Tylenol Cold before, and it usually worked really well. I was taking the medicine just like I always had, but my symptoms persisted, so I checked out the label.

Gone is pseudoephedrine, and in it’s place is phenylephrine. According to my wife’s drug reference books, this is a much milder decongestant, which explains why I’m still sneezing.

This shit just doesn’t work at all. In fact, I’ve sustained an injury because of this weak-ass medication.

While sitting at my desk grading papers and enjoying a Slim Fast, I abruptly had to sneeze. The force from the sneeze was so great that it carried my head downward at an accelerated speed, and I smashed my forehead into the rim of the can of my Slim Fast. See:


Now I’m bleeding because of this stupid medicine”¦and I’m blaming it all on meth addicts. So the next time I see someone who’s all twitchy and gross-looking I’m punching them right in the fucking face. As they lay on the ground I’ll stand over their urine-smelling body and yell, “That was for my forehead you scabby-shithead!”

Categories: Jackassery | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “Meth Addicts Ruin Everything

  1. Flood

    I am a little disappointed with you article today. I once thought of you as a conveyor of truth. A muckracker in the finest tradition, but then I read your article. Or more honestly I see your photograph. Be honest. It is a staged photo designed to illicet a sympathetic response from your readers, but has not truth in reality. I am disappointed, and I hope that you are now shamed by your niferious actions!

  2. I will not admit to anything! How do you know that I don’t constantly record myself? The very fact that I designed a website to advertise me would indicate that I am indeed vain enough to do so.

    Okay, maybe it was a dramatic reenactment, but that’s all I’m sayin’.

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