KELLY CLARKSON!!!!!!!

Anyone familiar with this blog will know right off the bat that I’m a vicious proponent of liberty. I view defending my, and your, personal liberty and right to privacy as a sacred duty, and I will stand guard against the tyranny of totalitarianism, authoritarianism, fascism, and damn-near any other -ism that pokes its nose where it doesn’t belong.

Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis wrote in Olmstead v. United States:

Experience should teach us to be most on our guard to protect liberty when the government’s purposes are beneficent. Men born to freedom are naturally alert to repel invasion of their liberty by evil-minded rulers. The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.

No truer words have ever been written.

The government, in a well-meaning way but totally without understanding, is now, yet again, insidiously encroaching on our Constitutionally guaranteed liberties.

The New Jersey state board of of Cosmetology and Hairstyling is now attempting to ban Brazilian bikini waxes.

Yeah, you read that right. Banning bikini waxes. The humanity.

For those of you unaware of the Brazilian, a cosmetologist will pour burning hot wax all over your genitals and anus. After the wax has cooled and the burning, searing pain in your anus and all over your genitals has just begun to disperse, the cosmetologist will yank and tear the dried wax off your skin, which in turn, pulls with it all the hair covering your anus and genitals.

After the swollen, irritated, and nasty-looking rash that will inevitably appear all over your genitals heals, you’ll look marvelous in a bikini. Or completely naked because remember, the cosmetologist POURS HOT WAX INTO YOUR ANUS!

Apparently two women in New Jersey have gotten an infection from this gentle, elegant procedure. And now the state of Jersey is attempting to ban the whole damn thing.

Look, what we do with our anuses and genitals should be our business. It should be my right as an American to pay for something that in medieval England would have been considered a viable torture technique, all in the name of looking like a prepubescent, naked child.

…anus.

Categories: Jackassery, T.V. | Comments

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