Tomorrow I head back home to San Antonio, and I’m looking forward to returning to S.A. after a month long absence. Not that I don’t enjoy visiting family, but to paraphrase George Carlin, I miss my stuff.
I’ve made a mental note of certain songs I’m not allowing myself to listen to while driving: “Ride of the Valkyries” makes drive really fast and weave all over the road; The theme from “Peter Gunn” causes me to weave around cars as if group of bad guys in a black sedan were chasing me and firing Tommy guns at the back of my vehicle; “O Fortuna!” deludes me into thinking I’m King Arthur riding back to Camelot after an exhausting adventure which confuses me into believing I’m the only person on the road; when I hear the theme from “Star Wars” I begin to imagine that I’m Luke navigating the perilously close walls of the Death Star trench, and the theme from “Superman” just makes me go nuts.
I probably shouldn’t listen to Sammy Hagar’s “I Can’t Drive 55” either”¦all I see in my mind is Sammy in those beguiling hot pants and driving that Ferrari and I get all excited. ”˜Cause of the car”¦not Sammy in hot pants”¦well, not completely any way.
Oh, and Jerry Reed’s “East Bound and Down.” I start looking for Bears around every corner and I get the urge to wear a cowboy hat. I also start eyeing truck stops with the intention of buying myself a CB.
Rob Zombie isn’t really a good idea either. Way too aggressive. I get the urge to run people off the road and to rear-end the blue-hairs driving 30 in the left hand lane.
You know, maybe I’ll just listen to some comedy CDs. That’s probably safer for me and anyone else with whom I’m sharing the road.