No More Augmentation For Me, But Thanks For Asking

In a story at Yahoo I read that nearly a quarter of people between the ages of 18-50 have some sort of tattoo. Man, that’s a lot of barbed-wired biceps and blazing-sunned lower backs, ain’t it?

In my younger days I briefly considered getting a tattoo, but I finally came to realize that if I couldn’t even stick with the idea of a specific design for more than a week I probably shouldn’t get it drawn permanently into my skin.

After I read that statistic I’m kinda glad I resisted the urge to get a tat. I thought tattoos were cool because they represented something of a counter-culture; a way to show the world that I refused to conform to their arbitrary rules and conventions. But now that a quarter of our culture has them they’ve become part of the norm. They’re now conventional, and since I really only wanted one to freak out the straights that takes all the fun out of it for me.

I’m a little jealous of people who possess the certainty to get a tattoo. Maybe if I had something truly meaningful to express I’d think about paying an overweight parolee to tattoo it on my body, but as it is I think a full color tattoo of a book or a computer splayed across my back would look a tad silly.

And if I’m being honest I should also admit that I’m still a little sore over the whole earring thing. I mean, I played along and got not one, but two, in my left ear. Not the right ear, mind you, because I was told that only gay guys got earrings in the right ear, and God forbid I send out the wrong signals. So, to firmly assert my masculinity within my clique of “friends” I got two holes punched into my left ear and promptly hung two dangly earrings from them, just like George Michael in the “I Want Your Sex” video. You know, to prove how tough I was.

In retrospect it occurs to me that this may have been a joke perpetuated by gay guys to determine the lengths to which they could push the homophobes of the 80’s into doing dumb-ass stunts just to prove their supposed heterosexuality. I would find this notion extremely funny were it not for the holes in my ears.

Anyhow, I’m not falling for any more trends which involve minor surgery. Well, I take that back. When bionic implants and adamantium-laced skeletons become available I’ll be the first in line, but I’m sure you already expected that.

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One thought on “No More Augmentation For Me, But Thanks For Asking

  1. Anonymous

    I know what you mean about standing out from the crowd. I often wonder about that.

    I am sure that in many ways just by looking at me I would fit into the crowd. But I really don’t feel like I fit into either the conservative middle class, middle aged group and not the liberal middle class, middle aged group.

    I quite often feel like the rebel of the group because I am more consevative of more liberal than the people around me. And not always the way that each group would expect.

    I really think that this post and the one on politics could have gone together. In one you bitch about the politico’s and in this one it is the sheep’s turn to bite the bullet.

    So you have the politico fuck-ups and the sheep fuck-ups.

    It does amaze me that I can have the some principles as many of my friends, yet come to drastically different conclusions. And it goes the same for the conclusions and some of the morons who sorta hold the same views.

    Of course at this point I am starting to think that maybe I am the moron and my conclusions a full of shit, but what can you do?

    Now mark if you were a good web master you would go back and edit and organize that mess of semi-ideal (or really to be honest just delete the whole damn thing).

    Mr Koolaid

    PS So how is masculinity and homosexuality mutually exclusive? And having said that you wanted to emulate a guy who didn’t have the balls to give the right wing the finger, and compromised by writing monogamy on some chicks leg in the video? and later got arrested for having gay sex in a public bathroom? Now I have questions about you!

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