Movie Trailer Roundup

I love watching movies, but I think I almost enjoy watching movie trailers as much as the actual movies. Trailers are full of potentiality. They’re like a first date in that way. The trailer goes by rather quickly, it’s a carefully manipulated and meticulously crafted peek at a larger product, and its purpose is to leave you wanting more.

Let’s take a look at a few, shall we?


Is it just me, or did that look like Independence Day + Armageddon = Transformers? From the trailer it looks like Michael Bay thinks that all you need for a Transfomers movie is a bunch of big robots fighting each other. I know the transformers couldn’t look exactly like they did in the cartoon, but why the hell did Optimus Prime have flames on him? And how does Shia LaBeouf keep getting work in Hollywood? Hopefully Bay will calm down on all the whip-pans and tracking shots.

I’m reserving judgment on this one, but I’m not hoping for much. First date final impression? I’d keep her number, but I’d probably hold off on calling unless it was a slow weekend.

Spider-Man 3

Oooo. Now that’s a trailer. Sam Raimi knows how to shoot a movie. The only bitch I have about this one is that for some reason it looks as if they’re going to try and tell us that Sandman, aka, Flint Marko, killed Ben Parker. Well, that’s bullshit.

I’ll overlook that for the simple fact that the scariest Spidey villain of all time appears in this film: Venom. Compound that with the fact that the baddest horror director is directing, and you’ve got the makings of an awesome movie. Plus, they’ve completely recreated the classic scene with Spidey ripping off the symbiote suit in the bell tower. Good stuff.

If that trailer was a first date I’d be fighting the urge to call her in the middle of the night to proclaim my undying love.

Live Free or Die Hard

Did I miss something? I didn’t know Michael Bay directed two movies for 2007.

Okay, I know Bay didn’t direct that. Len Weisman did, but it sure looked like a Bay movie.

That was only a teaser trailer, so I don’t have much to go on, but one thing really concerns me. That looked way too stylized for a Die Hard movie, and if there’s one thing that McClane ain’t, it’s stylized. There are three very important ingredients to McClane that must go into creating a Die Hard movie: 1) McClane is a dirtbag who may or may not be drunk; 2) McClane is only cool because he’s a smartass who just won’t quit. He’s a monkey in the wrench; a fly in the ointment; a pain in the ass. 3) Despite all his shortcomings, and he’s got a million of them, McClane can’t lose.

A Die Hard movie must be gritty and dirty. McClane busts his knuckles when he punches a bad guy, and when he gets hurt we can tell that he’s truly injured. I don’t want to see Matrix-looking shots in a Die Hard movie. That whole bit in the tunnel looked like it was ripped right out of Matrix Reloaded.

I really, really want this one to be good. I’d go out on a second date with this one, but only with a group of other people, and only to somewhere like the bowling alley.

Ocean’s Thirteen

I’m excited about his one. I loved the first two, and I can’t help but think this one will be just as entertaining, and maybe even more so.

Brad Pitt looks like he did in Twelve Monkeys. For that aspect alone I’d go see the movie. The Clooney eye-roll at the end was also pretty entertaining.

This trailer was pretty short, so if this was a first date I’d probably get admonished for trying to slip her the tongue during the goodnight kiss.

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  1. Anniina says:

    Okay, I’m excited about Ocean’s 13, but OMG, I can’t wait for Spiderman. Passing on the other 2.

  2. Flood says:

    So I am wondering (since you brought up the whole first date motif), what kind of first date did you and Leigh have? Then I wonder whether Leigh would agree with you. I would have probalby said that my first date with Amy was like Spiderman and Amy would discribe it as akin to the Transformers.

  3. » says:

    […] That means that all the violence has to be blood-free, and John will only be able to utter the f-word a single time in the whole movie. I already expressed my reservations about this movie months ago, but now I’m really, really depressed. And yes, I realize I just said I’m depressed about a Die Hard movie. McClane means a lot to me, okay? I want to hear John McClane grumble “I’ve got a bad fuckin’ headache” as he indiscriminately sprays pounds of ammo at the bad-guys. I want to see him stab a guy right in the eye with a foot-long icicle. And in my mind, if John doesn’t yell “You MOTHERFUCKER” as he punches a guy repeatedly in the ribs then it just ain’t a Die Hard movie. […]

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