The only holiday where the ritualized terrorization of children is not only condoned but encouraged! Boo!
Gather your friends and go visit a haunted house. Not a real one you dummy! Ghosts don’t really exist, but many fine businesses that specialize in scaring the shit out of their customers surely do. Go here for a list of haunted houses, and if you happen to be in the Dallas area I would highly recommend “Thrillvania.” They have a gargoyle that sits on the roof of their house and spits fire sixty feet into the air. How can you not love that?
Now, go forth and consume large amounts of crappy candy! Journey forward and cause grammar school children to pee themselves! Get blasted and visit one of those “moral haunted houses” that show the dangers of sex and drugs; giggle and laugh annoyingly in the back of the group.
And if a religious wingnut gets up in your face and starts screaming that Halloween is a holiday of witchcraft, then you look that puritanical buzzikill in the eye, unwrap a tootsie roll, pop it in your mouth and slowly explain that if God encouraged you to dress up like a pirate or a ninja and eat inordinate amounts of candy then you wouldn’t have to worship Satan. Pester them to give you a plausible explanation of why God hates candy and pirates. WHY GOD WHY?
Don’t let’em ruin your fun. And if you eat too much candy, for God’s sake don’t vomit on your friend. It’s just not polite.