Earth Day? More Like “Boring Day”

Well, I hope that everyone had a Merry Earth Day!Earth Day

Umm, today was Earth Day. You knew that, right? You don’t have to lie…I know you had no idea. It’s okay. I realize that as far as holidays go, Earth Day is absolute crap. It’s only here to make you feel bad about flinging McDonald’s hamburger containers out your car window, so I can understand if you didn’t throw a big hootenanny to celebrate your irresponsibility as a human being.

I think more people would celebrate Earth Day if we attached some weird ritual to the day, like gift-giving or hiding candy. Fireworks would also be nice, and if we could think of a way to introduce an omniscient anthropomorphic character to keep children in line via fear, then we’d really be on to something.

But these environmental holidays all stink, don’t they? Seriously, who gives a shit? If I don’t get a present, candy, or an enormous meal of famine-mocking proportions, then I don’t want anything to do with the so-called “holiday.”

Arbor Day, I’m lookin’ at you.

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Comments

  1. Flood says:

    You know usually I enjoy your writings on this blog, but today I am particularly dissapointed with you. It amazes me that you can denigrate such an important issue and day with you baseless sarcasm. Personally my family and I had our own little ceremony at the house. There was chanting to Gaia, the sacred process lifting up the energy saving curly-q florescent lightbulb (which by the way is ike taking a million cars off the streets), we ceremoniously didn’t bath, and ate a purely organic meal. Later we drove around in our prius shooting cattle to rid the world of their methane production, and (to be honest sometime you got to) sacrificed our little boy so that we could do our part to insure that the world wouldn’t become over populated. It was beautiful. We flipped a coin to see which of our children we would surrender to Gaia (I kinda glad it was the younger one, ’cause it would have been too much effort to tie the older one down. Little Christian just thought that it was a cool game. His shreks did put a damper on the ceremony, but you do what you gotta. He should have taken it like a man, in my opinion. Elizabeth even helped)

    See this is a holiday that is ripe with possibilities, and your snotty little blog only serves to belittle the glorious observances that can be performed by people truely dedicated to the preservation of our precious world!

    (BTW I have contacted ELF and they will be paying you a visit.)

  2. Flood says:

    Oh, I almost forgot, We also made a blood oath to only use on sheet of toilet paper a squat, unless it was one of those really pesky trips to the john.

  3. Flood says:

    Like I am going to take criticm for some heathen who has embraced the Western capitolist rape of our precious planet! I’m going to tell peta all the horrible things that you do to Ellie as well.

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