I’ve got quite a bit of hostility building up inside of my tiny little head, and I’m gonna use this entry to get some of it out before it starts leaking out of my ears like room temperature jello. You know, for health reasons. To quote George Carlin “I don’t have pet peeves, I have major psychotic fuckin’ hatreds.”
Today, George Bush vetoed the bill that would have expanded federal funding for stem cell research. Why the fuck are we letting a man who doesn’t even believe in evolution dictate our scientific progress? To add insult to injury this is the only bill he’s had the wherewithal to veto since taking office five and a half years ago. Here’s my question: Why is it okay for fertility clinics to dispose of thousands stem cells every year, but it’s not okay for scientists to take those same stem cells and put them to good use? Would you consider the comment “I’d like to repeatedly kick the president in the crotch” a terroristic threat?
Answer me this: What’s with all the classic SNL alums turning into curmudgeonly old men? I just read this article where Chevy Chase dogs out Vince Vaughn. Yeah, you read that right, Chevy “Snow Day” Chase thinks he’s still popular enough to get away with this prima donna crap. And have you seen Dan Aykroyd lately? Geez. If he gets any less relevant he’ll be doing infomercials with Ron Popeil, which would be life imitating satire. And Bill Murray–Okay, I’ll admit that “Lost in Translation” was amazing, and his work with Wes Anderson has been terrific, but dammit, I want to see a Carl Spackler or a Phil Connors. For Pete’s sake, the last comedy Bill filmed was “The Man Who Knew Too Little,” and I’m still trying to forget that one. (No, his new Garfield movies do not count as comedies)
Movie and television studios need to stop making YouTube take down copyrighted material. STOP THAT! I can understand them bitching when some jackass posts a whole television show, but otherwise they need to shut their greedy mouths. You know what happens when I watch a ten minute clip from “Family Guy” on YouTube? I immediately want to watch the rest of the episode, and if I didn’t own them all on DVD I’d go to Best Buy and purchase them. They need to embrace the technology instead of spurn it. It’s free advertising you nitwits.
People who aren’t funny should go ahead and accept the fact that they make others nauseous when they try to make with the yuk-yuks. I’m watching Uma Thurman on Letterman right now and she’s trying to crack jokes like she’s a damn standup or something. Strump for your stupid-ass movie and get off my T.V. you predatory-looking harpie. (I think she looks like an eagle)
This one’s just for the guys: If you decide to flirt with the female clerk at the gas station while the line behind you snakes through the store, do not be surprised if I run forward and slam your head down on the counter until one or both of your eyes pop out and roll onto the floor like ball bearings. Pay for your candy bar and tall boy and then get the fuck outta my way, lest I bludgeon you.
Ahhh. Okay, I feel better now.