581 c

Scientists recently discovered a planet 120 trillion miles away that they speculate may be habitable for human beings, and could very well already have some kind of life flourishing on it. They dubbed this new planet “581 c,” thus proving once again that pocket-protectors severely inhibit poetic creativity.red dwarf

The planet is also much closer to its sun than our planet, and unlike our sun, which is an adolescent, medium-sized sun, 581 c’s sun is a Red Dwarf. Red Dwarf’s are smaller than our sun and emit less energy. Because 581 c is closer to its sun, scientists speculate that 581 c doesn’t rotate, and one side of the planet would be in perpetual darkness. Also, it’s very possible that because of the close proximity of the sun, 581 c could be a planet that experiences tidal lock.

But calm down…don’t get too excited. We’ll never go there. How do I know? Because of this little fact: “Gravity is 1.6 times as strong as Earth’s so a 150-pound person would feel like 240 pounds.”

We’re far too vain to voluntarily visit a planet where our weight will shoot up like that. Why do you think we keep talking about going back to the moon? I’ll tell you why: because of the moon’s weak gravitational pull we only weigh a sixteenth of our earth-weight on its surface.

Mark my words, if the obesity rate keeps going up, we’ll start seeing tourist programs to the moon popping up all over the place.

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