McDonald’s New Burger Is Amazing

According to , McDonald’s is currently testing a “bigger high-end Angus burger” at 600 of its southern California restaurants. At a full 1/3 of a pound, the new burger will be the biggest, and at 3.99 the most expensive, burger on McDonald’s menu. Dan Coudreaut, McDonald’s executive chef, describes the new bun of the Angus burger as having more of a “roll flavor.” As opposed to the old buns, I guess, which taste like corrugated cardboard.

Guess how many calories this burger weighs in at? No, go ahead and guess.

840 calories. Pretty impressive, huh? Unfortunately, McDonald’s new burger doesn’t come anywhere close to containing the highest number of calories in the burger-world. That particular achievement goes to Hardee’s and their amazing and spectacular “Thickburger,” which contains an amazing 1,420 calories of ass-expanding power.

According to the USDA’s website, a 30 year old female, of average height, of average weight, and who is physically active less than 30 minutes a day, should consume no more than 1,800 calories a day; whereas, a male should consume 2,400. Geez, you’d think the USDA would raise that estimate in light of how many calories burgers have in them. Seriously, if a woman ate one of those “Thickburgers,” just one,happy meal then she could only eat 380 calories the rest of the day. For God’s sake, she couldn’t even stop at Taco Bell for an after-work snack!

I really can’t even decide what to make fun of here. I could go for fat jokes, for the unethical outlook of corporate America, or the fact that McDonald’s has “an executive chef.” Yeah, what was his job requirement? The ability to shovel manure without dry-heaving?

I have no ending for this, other than to say don’t eat at McDonald’s. I know that 3.99 is pretty cheap for a burger, but quantity over quality isn’t always a good thing. Or to put it another way, a lot of shit is still shit.

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