Presidential Hootennanny

So the potential democratic nominees for president are coming out of the woodwork. I’m already sick of them, and we’re almost two years out from the election. I can’t believe we have to put up with these chuckle-heads for that long.barack

We’ve got the unfortunately named Mr. Barack Obama, with all his charisma and sex appeal. He’s young, he’s hip, and from his little encounter with FoxNews it’s pretty clear that he doesn’t put up with a lot of shit. I’ve read some critics that claim he doesn’t have enough experience just yet to run for president. Let him stay in the senate for four more years, and then let’em run, his naysayers propose.

I don’t know. I kind of like the fact that he hasn’t spent his entire life in politics. Here’s my problem with him. He’s just in too good of shape to run for office. Just look at’em. It’s obvious he spends a lot of time in the gym, and a president just doesn’t have time for that kind of narcissistic behavior. I mean, Bush runs all the time, he takes care of himself, and he even insists on going to bed at nine o’clock. And look where that’s gotten us. No, at the very minimum we need someone who’s a little pudgy around the middle. If the president is making the secret service take midnight runs to McDonald’s for him then we know he’s too damn busy with presidential things to be bothered with nutrition or proper exercise.

I’m getting tired of people talking about how Hillary will be the first woman president. No, no she won’t. I’m quite ready for a woman leader, you ladies obviously couldn’t fuck things up worse than your tripodal counterparts, but Hillary ain’t it. First off, she’s been so cold for so long that the first time she makes a joke people freak out. Also, and this is the big one for me, she’s far too politically opportunistic. Any politician who honestly believes that with all the problems facing our country that video games actually pose a serious threat either has a mental disorder, or is looking for an easy way to garner political support. Now, arguments could definitely be made for the former, but I’m willing to bet her problem is the latter.

edwardsJohn Edwards…John Edwards. Where should I start? Whenever I look at him I always get the impression he was a date rapist when he was younger. I can just hear him saying, “Look, I know you was drunk, but you wanted it!” I have no basis for that statement, it’s just a feeling I get. Plus, that lispy accent is decidedly unpresidential. By the time the the new president takes office we will have had eight years of making fun of the old president’s accent. We don’t need to start the new term with someone who sounds like Paula Deen’s special-needs nephew.

Joe Biden doesn’t have a chance in hell of winning, but so far he’s been the most entertaining. He only just tossed his hat into the ring today, and already he’s made some truly hilarious statements about his running-mates. It doesn’t hurt that his plan for Iraq is the only one that makes any sense to me. And I think his hairstyle is funny. For some reason I imagine he smells rather pungently of cheap hair oil.

Anyways, I haven’t been too impressed so far. And just think–I’ll probably even get more cynical as this whole thing goes on. Won’t that be fun?

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Comments

  1. Anniina says:

    I think a woman president would be great – whoever the best person for the job is. I agree, Hillary is not it. The woman has anti-charisma. There’s something about her I don’t like and I don’t trust her. Barack Obama is the one I have my eye on.

  2. Christopher says:

    Its funny you metion the video games thing thats what my paper is gonna be about ..how video games arnt bad for children….as a democrat i agree we need more choices

  3. Hypermark says:

    I think that’s an excellent topic. As voting citizens we have very few actual choices. For all their bluster, most politicians are eerily similar in their ideologies.

  4. Flood says:

    I am so conflicted right now. Laugh or comment seriously.

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