Thank You, Alaska

As a Texas citizen, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the citizens of Alaska.

In Texas, we’ve got Matthew McConaughey and the McConaughey Clan, which includes such esteemed citizens as Rooster and Miller Lyte McConaughey. Texas is also the birthplace of Jessica Simpson, and unfortunately, I have to assume that it was here, in the Lone Star State, where she learned that chickens are underwater-dwelling creatures.

Mount Carmel, Texas, was home to David Koresh and his merry band of party-goers. What wonderful Texas representatives those folks were.

The Texas Congress showed the world how to vote with integrity.

It was the Houston Police dept. that invaded a home because of an erroneous “weapons disturbance.” In reality, the apartment belonged to a gay man who just happened to be having sex with his partner when the police unlawfully entered his home. Thankfully, the police apologized profusely to the law-abiding couple for barging in on their love-making. Just kidding. They arrested the filthy, filthy sodomites and took them to jail, just like any good Texan would do.

Despite the fact that Barack Obama has been a member of a Chicago Presbyterian Church for nearly twenty years, 1 in 4 Texas citizens still believes he is in fact a Muslim. We can sniff out those damned dirty Muslims here in Texas.

Baylor University, one of the most prestigious private colleges in Texas, offers a post-graduate degree in Creationism.

Yes, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Alaska because despite Texas’s reputation as the land of idiocracy and general douchiness, the spotlight has been moved to shine on that wonderful state north of Canada.

Thank you, my friends, for making us Texans look a little better in comparison.

P.S. I have some friends in Florida that would like to send their thanks as well.

Categories: Jackassery, Texaspecific | Comments

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