Sex Sex Sex…But Not Really

Broadcast and Cable recently published a report conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation which claims that since 1998 sex scenes in television shows have more than doubled. That’s 5 sex scenes an hour. Yahoo has also picked up the story.

For a minute I thought “Dammit”¦I’m watching the wrong television shows and the wrong stations!” I quickly made a mental note to watch “Survivor” and “Fear Factor” the next time they air. I figure graphic sex scenes and orgies are the only explanations why sane folks are still watching those sadistic crapfests. Same goes for the “Apprentice”, but I don’t think I want to watch Martha or The Donald do anything sexually explicit”¦well, maybe after a few drinks, but then only for a quick laugh.

After I shook the image out of my mind of The Donald and Martha Stewart rolling around naked on piles of Quiche and hundred dollar bills, I proceeded to finish the article and found out the criteria for “sex scene” included “[scenes] in which people talk about kissing or are simply flirting, a woman licking her lips seductively,” and “talking about it [sex], kissing and fondling, and intercourse when those are the emphasis of a scene.”

No wonder the numbers are so inflated. Under their criteria Burger King broadcasts commercials which count as “sex scenes.”

Now I understand why we’re on the precipice of a philosophical civil war in the United States: Everyone’s all pent up because no one knows what sex is anymore. We sure as hell understand violence, but sex? Talking about sex counts as a sex scene? Give me a break. Then I guess according to Broadcast and Cable the United States people watched President Clinton engage in a sex scene when he explained how oral doesn’t really count as sex.

Man”¦I sure miss ”˜Ole Tubby. Give me a good old, wholesome sex scandal over intelligence leaks, torture, and massive war any day.

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