Be forewarned: This post contains massive amounts of Chuck Norris. People with heart conditions, pregnant women, communist sympathizers, and anyone with AIDS should skip this post.
Aside from complaining and sharing pornography the internet also posses the ability to catapult the most asinine of subjects into popularity. Case in point: Chuck Norris facts. Internet nerds have written hundreds of hilarious one and two sentence “facts” which have become so viral that Chuck Norris has actually commented about them on his personal web site.
What are Chuck Norris facts? Well, for example did you know that, “Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding,” or that “Chuck Norris does not “style” his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror”? Neither did I.
I also did not know that, “If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.”
Chuck Norris also feels comfortable enough with his own masculinity that he designed his very own line of clothing, which as you can see kicks ass both literally and metaphorically. I love the fact that his gi bottoms have a pocket. I guess after kicking someones ass you might feel the need to pull out your wallet and buy yourself a candy bar. I know I always work up an appetite after roundhouse kicking someone in the face, and traditional gis lack that convenient pocket where I can carry my snack money. Thank you Chuck! (For the love of God don’t enlarge that image and read the product description if you’re drinking milk, because you’ll have it running out of your nose in little white rivers of hilarity.)
Now I break out the Chuck Norris piÃ¨ce de rÃ©sistance. Watch this clip from Conan O’Brien and you’ll witness”¦well, I’m not exactly sure what you’ll witness but it features Chuck Norris and Haley Joel Osmet and an absolutely unforgettable line of dialogue. I guarantee you’ll be walking around quoting Osmet’s line tomorrow.