Posting Potpourri

In case you don’t live in San Antonio, we’ve been experiencing an exceptional amount of rain lately. In fact, it’s been raining so much, and so sporadically, that I’m beginning to become a tad suspicious. We just bought a house, and I now have my very own BBQ grill, but I can’t grill anything for fear that suddenly a monsoon will roll up and waterlog my chicken breasts.

Yep, I think someone upstairs is trying to pee on my parade for that post about Falwell.

Anywhoo.

In regards to my last post: Transformers was okay. Micheal Bay still sucks monkey ballz as a director, although I’d say Transformers is one of his better films, which is a lot like saying Russian Roulette isn’t a terribly awful way to spend a Saturday afternoon. There’s only five thousand cuts a minute, as opposed to Bay’s normal ten. Go see it if you got nothing else to do.

I see that Bush “commuted” Scooter’s sentence. Don’t mess up and say Bush pardoned him, because there’s a big difference, dammit. Besides, the pardoning comes later. Hey, doesn’t “pardoning Scooter” sound like something you do for your retarded cousin at a family reunion? “Honey, look…Scooter’s pissing in Nana’s punch bowl.” “Well, stop staring. You just gotta pardon Scooter. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.”

I’m sure you’ve heard all about the terrorist attack at the Glasgow airport, but have you heard about John Smeaton, the baggage handler that assisted the policemen? John, the bonny lad that he is, set aboot the terrorists and put his boot to’em. That’s how you handle a terrorist.

Oh, and I wasn’t sure before, but I am now–Gore’s running for President in ’08. How do I know? In my mind, his biggest problem in 2000 was that he seemed too elitist, and too condescending during the debates. Well, that, and for some unknown reason we allow Floridians to count their own ballots, but I digress. Now I see that Gore’s son went and got himself arrested for drug possession and speeding. Nothing endears you to the average American than revealing that you have a fucked-up family life. Gore looked all silver-spooney before, but now he’s got his very own Patti Davis, Roger Clinton, Mary Cheney, or George W. Bush. He’s getting elected, people!

Al Gore III was caught with prescription drugs, for which he didn’t have a prescription, and a small amount of pot. I’m sure the pot was the weakest stuff in the car. Police officers pulled him over for driving in excess of 100 miles an hour in his Prius. The article doesn’t say, but I assume they only stopped him because the officers wanted to ask him how he got a Prius to go 100 miles an hour and were forced to arrest him only after they saw the drugs.

I’ve gotta end this post now. As I’m writing this I’ve got the TV tuned to HD-HBO, and they started playing “Real Sex.” A fifty inch HD plasma is good for a lot of things, but naked people ain’t it. I feel nauseous.

…stretch marks and varicose veins just shouldn’t be that clear and sharp-looking…

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