Mine, Mine, Mine!

I oftentimes think that our culture has taken a wrong turn as far as child-rearing goes. Epistemologically, our culture seems to think that children need constant attention and protection. As George Carlin so famously stated in his “You Are All Diseased” concert, we make children wear helmets for everything except jerking off.

I think I should validate my credentials and expertise before stating my hermeneutics of child-rearing. I have no children, and I don’t plan to have any in the near future which makes me a perfect candidate to criticize the parenting of others, because I don’t have any emotional investment in a child clouding my judgment.

It goes without saying that too many parents view their children as little objects of worship, instead of impressionable and growing minds which need structure and encouraging discipline. Some parents want their children to view them as their friend so much that they severely lack in the discipline department. And still others seem to think the cuteness factor of their child exempts them from having to act civilly in public. I don’t care how darling you think your kid’s dimples; make him stop screaming while we’re standing in line at HEB or I’m dropping my milk on his head.

Also, parents need to quit making such a big deal out of making their children share. I’m sure you’ve heard a parent telling their whining kid to “share your toys,” or “take turns” and then forcing them to let a sibling or a relative play with their most valued possession.

Why do they do this? Adults don’t share; that”˜s not a trait they’ll use later in life. In fact, as we get older we all become more and more possessive. We fence up our yards; we cross the street to avoid panhandlers; we dodge the neighbor who constantly wants to borrow our garden equipment; we even get caller ID so we have the luxury of seeing who we willingly share our time with. Even when a relative who we love borrows something we constantly worry about our property and want it back as soon as possible. As far as I’m concerned stinginess is a virtue.

So don’t make your kids share. Let’em hoard their toys in their room and fight their siblings about sharing. You’ll better prepare them for adulthood.

(If the post about space irritated people I can’t wait to read the comments on this one)

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Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    SO do you really want a comment from a parent or are you just starved for attention in a vain attempt to piss someone off enough to make a comment on your blog. I think you should send the article to Leigh’s sister and see if she tries to do horrible things to you. Actually I think that you are chicken. Just find the nearest parent that you can and tell them that they are doing it wrong. See what happens. If you have the balls that is.

    Flood

    PS You are right about much of it, but probalby wrong about the sharing part because you a looking at sharing the wrong way. The very nature of a civil society is the concept of sharing. You do it every day. With out sharing the world as we know it would decend into chaos and then you really would need your roundhouse kick. Also the concept of sharing touches upon appropriate and inappropriate responses to negative interactions. Most kids hit, whin, or who the hell know’s; but they rarely deal with adversity well. You are actually teaching your kids how to win. And the Chicken part, I am kidding and serious at the same time. Apparently you are aware of sharing relationships and space.

  2. Mark A. says:

    Most of that came from an experience at Freebirds last night. We went out with a friend of ours and two tables down from us was a group of two parents with two kids per couple. The kids were extremely cute. They had on little khakis and sweaters, and they were all dimples and rumpled hair. But, the parents seemed to think the restaurant was a playground, and these cute little kids spent their entire time in the restaurant running around and yelling at one another, banging the doors open and close, and generally acting like monkeys. The parents just smiled and said things like “my you’re hyper this evening,” “Honey, please stop hanging on the door handle; those people may want to come in,” and “shhh, try to yell a little softer.”

    As much as I bitch about other peoples children I’ve pretty much guaranteed we’ll have little Tasmanian devils. Karma’s gonna get me on that one. But just so you know, Elizabeth’s one of those kids who I like being around. Her outbursts in restaurants are comprised of impromptu performances of “Wheels On The Bus,” and really, who doesn’t love that?

    I see what you’re saying about sharing, but it still seems like a subtle attempt at indoctrinating children into becoming little communists. And I think that’s a bad thing because in the Marxist paradigm the adults are the bourgeoisie. I don’t want the kids forming a proletariat and overthrowing us. By encouraging them to view the world with that notion of “GIMME THAT IT”S MINE!” I’m actually protecting us, as capitalist pursuits negate the possibility of a collective revolution.

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