Hollywood Woes

It seems like every publication that focuses on entertainment are bemoaning the soft ticket sales at theaters. I’ll link this article from CBS news, but really, pick up any entertainment magazine or turn on any show on E! and you’ll hear the same “sad” story.

Hollywoodites complain the movie industry has entered the worst slump in twenty years. The article linked seems to point the blame on lackluster movies and DVD’s. While I’m sure some people have been eschewing the theater for those reasons, I’m reasonably sure many people are like me, and just hate dealing with all the rude-ass people that go to the movies.

When I was a kid, I remember being terrified of acting up in the local theater because the ushers that walked the isles during the feature didn’t take any shit. They each carried flashlights, and if you so much as propped your feet up on the back of the seat in front of you they would shine the light in your eyes like they were giving you a DWI test.

Now people act the same way in the theater as they do in their own living room. Forget whispering, the mongoloids in the theaters talk and yell, and you’re almost guaranteed a fight if you try to shush them up. Call me crazy, but I don’t like knowing that I’m paying $15 to get into altercations with the local illiterati. I end up missing big chunks of the movies because I’m imagining beating the crap out of the guy behind me that keeps kicking my chair. What’s so hard about understanding that there are other people in the theater?

I find it hard to justify paying the high prices to go and get upset, especially when I know that three months later the DVD will be released and I can watch the movie in utter silence with Leigh. Theater owners take note: You want to lure customers back? Stop letting the customers act like animals in the theater. Enforce a few rules (unfortunately this will mean you must hire employees over the age of sixteen). I don’t mind if the movies are kinda crappy. I like movies that are kinda crappy. My grandmother had to hide my copy of “Who’s Harry Crumb” because me and my cousin Brad watched it over and over. So, I’ll pay to see crappy movies, but not if I have to get into a fist-fight to get the guy three rows down to shut the hell up.

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