Ellie is looking for a Valentine’s Day date. She’s got stuffed animals, wine, and a lovely red rose to present to her suitor. Any takers?

As much as I love technology, I’ve never really been one of the book-alarmists that’s concerned about some technological innovation making the book format obsolete. There are just certain things that books are really good at that handheld devices aren’t. To begin with, books look impressive and awesomely elitist when they’re stacked neatly on a shelf. Just try making a pompous remark standing in front of a bookshelf that’s filled with Kindles instead of actual books. I guarantee you won’t sound like a classy gentleman. No, odds are good you’ll sound like a total d-bag.

Sadly, there is one area where books seem to be losing ground to technology. It pains me greatly to type this, but I believe that in five, maybe ten years time, we’ll cease to see books resting in the shadows of toilet bowls all across the world. Yes, I think that people will stop reading on the potty and will instead surf the internet, read their email, or watch videos via the tiny screen of their smart phones.

Before high speed internet became available on smart phones, it was simply impractical to work on the computer while relaxing on the old throne. Sure, you could haul your laptop into the loo with you, but those damn things get mighty hot, and there’s nothing worse than scorching your pubic area (I would imagine, anyway).

But now smart phones, like the iPhone or the G1, allow just about anyone to sit, shit, and surf the net without the fear of burning off pubic hair, which does not bode well for the codex. Before long, instead of your loved one yelling “Bring me something to read for God’s sake! This is gonna take a while,” you’re likely to hear “Hey! HEY! Is the router down! ‘Cause I’m not getting a signal and I’m just beginning to turtlehead!”

I would finish this post with some kind of pun or flashy ending, but I don’t really have time because I desperately need to go plug in my iPhone. The battery is almost dead and we had steak tonight.

I think I’m gonna need all the charge I can get.

For a male who doesn’t like football, this time of the year totally sucks. To be frank, I didn’t even realize this last weekend was the Super Bowl until Sunday morning. I was bitching because there were so many people at the mid-morning church service, and Leigh reminded me that they probably wanted to get their praying out of the way before kick-off.

I don’t even want to watch the stupid thing for the commercials. First off, they’re commercials. I don’t like commercials on any other occasion, and coupling them with an idiotic game of catch and steroids doesn’t make me like them any more. Secondly…well, there is no secondly. I have a DVR so I don’t have to watch commercials, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna waste a whole friggin‘ Sunday night in the hopes of catching a few funny commercials. Besides, some ambitious interweb-nerd will post’em all up on YouTube. Problem solved.

Everywhere I’ve been this week, dudes have been asking me what I thought about the game. Here’s what I thought: It was just as moronic and Valiumesque in its borningness as it has been since the very first Super Bowl.

Then yesterday, I find out that I actually should have watched the big game. More specifically, I should have watched the Super Bowl in Tuscan, Arizona. Why, you ask?

Not for the game, obviously.

Not for the stupid commercials.

No, I should have watched the Super Bowl broadcast in Tuscan, Arizona for the gigantic dong and the blowjob.

You see, the Tuscan-based Comcast had a bit of trouble with their feed of the Super Bowl. For some reason, right in the middle of the game, the feed of the Super Bowl screwed up and Comcast started broadcasting a porno instead of the Super Bowl.

I’ve spent some time thinking about this, and if the NFL started randomly inserting porno clips into the football games, then I might, and I stress might, watch football. Probably not, but I might.

Thankfully, some ambitious interweb-nerd videotaped the glitch so I didn’t need to watch the dumbass Super Bowl after all. It’s amazing the internet can still do anything productive, what with all the porn.

Oh, that link is obviously very, very NSFW. Don’t blame me if you click it and immediately get fired.

As an instructor, I’m going to go ahead and admit something that a lot of folks in the education system don’t have the courage to come out and say:

Not everyone needs to go to college.

There. I said it.

For some reason we, the American society, have venerated collegiate life and devalued more traditional vocations to such an extent that all high school students think they are a failure unless they get accepted into a prestigious college. Consequently, there are far too many students enrolled in college that have no business being there. Trust me–I see these people everyday.

They don’t want to be here. They perform poorly and then they feel guilty about their poor performance. But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being unfit for collegiate life. That simply means that the student is probably fit for something else. Like what?

How about an apprenticeship with a tradesman? How about a vocational school? How about an honest-to-goodness job and not a damn “career.”

Let me say this about “careers:” They totally suck. Career is a euphemism for “job that defines your life.” You have to buy special clothes for a career. You have to have a special degree for a career. You have to act a certain way all the time for a career.

But a job? Well, jobs are different.

If you have a job you have a quitting time. You go home and you leave job-things at the job. You can be yourself. You might not like your job, but that’s okay, because you know it’s just a job to make money, which in turn lets you do what you really want to do. Pay your bills and live like a civilized person. Visit your family. Play with your kids. Spend time with your buddies. Play Xbox (maybe that’s just me).

And to be quite honest, there are far too many 18-year old high school graduates that simply aren’t mature enough for college. They should get a McJob, find their path in this world, and then decide what to do. There’s nothing wrong with waiting until 21 or 22 years old to start undergrad work.

I’m sick of students who treat classes as if I am forcing them to be there. I’m not. In fact, if they don’t like my class, or they don’t want to be in college in general, then I’m completely in favor of them dropping out. Maybe they’ll discover something they’re actually good at and find their place in this culture of ours.

Also, there isn’t a damn thing wrong with being a plumber. Or a carpenter. Or an electrician. Or any other job that requires physical exertion or manual labor. We need more manual laborers out there. The fucking country is literally falling apart, and yet we discourage our children from learning a trade that might actually produce something.

A nation of consumers that disdains work is a nation on the precipice of the fail-cliff. We need to start producing things again or we’re in for a tumble.