As soon as the Halloween madness stops, blog posts will resume. Until then, Ellie wants all your Halloween candyz.

I want to preface this post with a few things. Unlike many non-neocons, I do not find Ann Coulter offensive or revolting. I find her highly amusing, and if she had her own talk show, I’d tune in regularly just to watch her antics. I also find it highly entertaining that she reduces many liberals into misogynistic rapists. Any comments section dealing with Ann Coulter will undoubtedly contain several comments such as “Fucking Ann Coulter. You know what she needs? A good [insert graphic sex act here]! That’s what she needs!”

On Monday night Ann Coulter appeared on “The Big Idea” with Danny Deutsch. At one point in the show Ann said that the world would be a much easier place if everyone were Christian, and then she proceeded to say that Christians “want Jews to be perfected.” Deutsch was appropriately horrified at her “anti-Semitic” comments, and he told her so in no uncertain terms. After the commercial break Coulter explained why she didn’t feel her comment was offensive:

No. I’m sorry. It [the comment] is not intended to be [offensive]. I don’t think you should take it that way, but that is what Christians consider themselves: perfected Jews. We believe the Old Testament. As you know from the Old Testament, God was constantly getting fed up with humans for not being able to, you know, live up to all the laws. What Christians believe — this is just a statement of what the New Testament is — is that that’s why Christ came and died for our sins. Christians believe the Old Testament. You don’t believe our testament.

I also don’t know why Deutsch found this offensive. According to many sects of Christianity, the only way a person can reach Heaven is through baptism and acceptance of Christ as a savior. Catholicism does include an exemption of sorts, which basically says that some people mysteriously sneak past St. Peter anyway, but acceptance of Christ is pretty much the basis of the Christian faith. Hence the freaking name: CHRISTian.

Maybe I just understand religions differently than other people, but I was under the assumption that most religions think they’ve got the exclusive pass into the netherworld-nightclub. If you believe fervently in your religion then why is it offensive to tell someone else that they’ll be burning in Hell? If that’s what you believe then you’d be a hypocrite not to say it.

Again, I’m not advocating this mindset, but if you’re going to be a Christian then that means you think everyone else is wrong, whether they be Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, or Pastafarians. And it works backwards for every other religion, too.

Plus, if you’re already of opposite religions, why should a heretic’s prediction about your eternal fate have any impact on you at all? You already believe they’re absolutely wrong, so their pronouncement of damnation should mean nothing. Deutsch isn’t Christian, he’s Jewish, so what’s he care if some goofy-ass Johnny-come-lately follower thinks he’s not “perfected?” Deutsch is part of the “chosen race,” anyway, so he’s pretty much already perfected, right?

I don’t necessarily agree with everything Richard Dawkins has said about religion and atheisim, but I do think this quote is appropriate: “We are all atheists about most of the gods that humanity has ever believed in. [Atheists] just go one god further.”

• The Dilbert Blog: Some People
  “There’s a guy I know, but not well. He’s polite and friendly. He’s average looking. He means well. As far as I can tell, he’s a good citizen. And yet, every time I see him, I want to beat him to death with a shovel and bury him in a shallow grave
• SWORD NEWS - Man describes being attacked with a sword
  “The sword was going and I was trying to duck and weave and bob,” he said. “We were absolutely locked in a death struggle to control that sword. I was getting sliced and he was screaming and yelling.”

As I’ve said time and time and time and time and time again: I do love me some celebrity bad news. There’s just something about the downfall of a narcissistic asshole that puts a big old smile on my face.

Take this video from the Letterman show. Dave is making fun of Paris Hilton to her face! And it seems like she actually understands that he’s making fun of her, which in my mind is the most amazing thing about the video:

Here’s a fun game–rewatch the video, and count how many times Paris’ foot bobs up and down in unadulterated rage at Dave’s insulting, but absolutely hilarious, questions.

I love when Dave gets old-school and refuses to kiss the ass of some self-important celebretard.

Makes me want to watch Dave’s award-winning role in the groundbreaking film “Cabin Boy.”

• Damn….you can buy anything on eBay.
  Yes, I know I’m going straight to Hell. No need to tell me in the comments section.

Since I’m completely swamped with student papers, I thought the only sensible thing to do would be to start up the reading group again. Nothing like willingly putting bricks in your pocket when you’re already treading water.

Unless anyone has any objections I’d like to read Philip Roth’s Portnoy’s Complaint.

Most critics recognize Roth as one of the greatest Jewish-American writers of the last century, and “Portnoy’s Complaint” as one of the seminal Jewish-American novels of our time. Although, I do feel as if I should warn you–while Roth can be subversively funny, he can also be, um, well, sometimes he’s pretty damn dirty. So if you’re at all squeamish about scatological or sexual humor, then you might want to skip this round of the reading group.

Depending when everyone gets their book, we’ll probably start reading next week.

• No video games so 10 year old commits suicide - Daily News & Analysis
  As George Carlin would say, “The kid who eats the most marbles doesn’t grow up to have kids of his own.” Sounds like an evolutionary step forward to me. Here’s my new motto: Fuck the kids. They’re overrated.

• The Dilbert Blog: Our Alleged Freedom
  Thanks to religious restrictions on freedom in the United States, we have a long list of things you can’t do…prostitution, marijuana, euthanasia, gambling, polygamy…You might argue that the law is just trying to protect people from harm. But if that