Superman Returns: The Long Review (No Spoilers)

June 30th, 2006

Usually after we watch a movie I try to write up some kind of review before I begin reading the critics’ articles. I want to make sure no one else influences my opinions, but after we saw “Superman Returns” I just had to see what other people had written. Frankly, their opinions have surprised me.

Many of the reviewers have taken umbrage with the fact that Superman seems much more alien than and not as bumbling as Christopher Reeve in the 1978 version. I actually liked this aspect of the movie. Routh’s performance accompanied by Singer’s direction reveals a small glimpse of the bumbling Clark Kent, enough to make it believable that a mere pair of glasses serves as a convincing disguise, but we don’t get so much of the slap-stick jackassery that it becomes distracting. A Superman movie should be fun, but not in a Buster Keaton kinda way.

One of the most interesting aspects of Superman arises from his heritage. Despite his desperate longing to be human Superman will always be an alien, and Singer’s film really emphasizes this conflict. For all intents and purposes Superman is a god, albeit a god that loves and respects the men he walks among. Singer’s Superman floats above Earth using his preternatural hearing to parse through the cacophony of humanity in order to locate and prevent disasters. For me, this is where Singer uniquely defines Superman against other Super-Heroes.

Peter Parker is nothing if not human. We like him because he hurts, bleeds, and mourns just like us. In Spider-Man 2 when Peter passes out after having saved the train from hurtling off the tracks, the passengers of the train, Peter’s fellow New Yorkers, lift him up reverently and bring him aboard. One man marvels that Spider-Man looks to be the same age as his son, and when Doc Ock returns to finish off the unconscious Spider-Man the crowd steps forward to protect their own. They realized that underneath the costume resides a mortal man, and they connected with that humanity, just as audiences have done for decades. Watching Superman float above earth listening to humanity cry out for a savior I couldn’t help but imagine that the weight of such a responsibility would most likely drive Peter Parker mad. Man is simply not made for such things.

On the opposite end of the spectrum we have Bruce Wayne. Well, actually we have Batman, because the Bruce persona actually serves as a disguise for the Batman. Batman is most interesting when the writer realizes that the death of Bruce’s parents drove him insane, and the Batman is the result of that insanity. It’s a controlled insanity to be sure, but insanity nonetheless. Batman fights crime to punish the criminals and not to protect the weak. Bruce’s humanity died with his parents, and if he possessed the ability to float above the Earth I think he would tune out the cries for salvation and focus in on eavesdropping on the criminals.

In “Superman Returns” we see Superman zip around the globe answering cries of help like a red and blue savior. At one point in the movie he literally holds the weight of a globe on his shoulders. But as we see through his relationship with Lois and his aloofness with the rest of Clark’s contemporaries Superman’s role as protector is a lonely one. A near omnipotent being simply has no real place with the rest of humanity, and try as he might, Superman never overcomes this.

Enough about character, let’s talk about the action. Let me say this: Superman is a badass. No joke. You’ve never ever seen a character with as much ass-kicking presence as Singer’s Superman. He flies at speeds beyond human comprehension, he lets a bullet hit him in the eye without blinking, he moves through fire and water seemingly unfazed, and he rips through the debris of an airplane in mid-flight without so much as a grimace. Donner’s film promised that you’d believe a man could fly, while Singer’s proves to you that Superman is the baddest mofo in the universe.

Unfortunately for Routh, Kevin Spacey pulls a Nicholson and turns in a villainous performance that damn-near overshadows the hero. Spacey completely erases the foul taste left in my mouth by Hackman and Beatty, and his portrayal of Lex sets the bar for super-villains. But then we all knew it would, didn’t we?

I can’t recommend this movie enough. Singer perfectly balances the drama with the action so that when things start to go all cataclysmic you truly worry for the characters. I already want to see it again.

Wait, one more thing: For someone who genuinely feels betrayed by our government (calm down…I hate the ineffectual dems as much as the radical repubs) I was genuinely moved by the altruism of Superman. Superman is so much more than a hero-he’s an ideal-he’s the thing we should all strive to be. Jor-El tells Superman that “[Humans] can be a great people, Kal-El. They wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you, my only son.” The amazing thing? Superman actually believes that about us, and that belief truly makes him a hero.

I could go on about this movie, but I think I’ll stop here for now. Tomorrow I may post some graphic novel recommendations if you’d like to read more about the last son of Krypton.

GREAT CEASAR’S GHOST!

June 29th, 2006

The (short) Superman Review: Damn. Go see that movie. Right now.

I’ll post a more comprehensive review later tonight, but by all means go see it without reading my jibber-jabber.

Not kidding. Go.

The Man Of Today

June 29th, 2006

What is three decades old, covered in a cold sweat, and squeals like a four year old girl?

Me, in about two hours in the theater when I hear that big John Williams score in Dolby Digital while watching the new “Superman” flick.

I’ll have a review up at the end of the day. Oh, and no link dump today…and perhaps no more until I get the new Hyperliterature up and running.

Is that foreshadowing, you ask? Nope. Foreshadowing is subtle. I’m straight out telling you.

Technical Difficulties

June 28th, 2006

Yeah, I realize my Daily Link Dump was late and that it also looks awful. Sorry. Blogger sucks. I’m in the process changing hosts. Bear with me.

Daily Links

June 28th, 2006

Much better than the tired old “Wash Me.”

At least this isn’t another one of those mashups that make He-Man and Duncan look gay. Just in case you haven’t seen The Big Lebowski there’s an awful lot of swearing, so if you’re at work (or Baylor) turn the volume down or put on some headphones.

Sports fans may have a slight physical advantage over SciFi fans, but we’ll sure as hell outwit them. I’ve always said that Fantasy Football is D & D for the less intelligent.

I don’t care how much people make fun of Sandler, I’ll never stop loving “Happy Gilmore” and “Billy Madison.”

(Sandman + Venom) * Rami / Black-Costume-Spidey = The Best Damn Movie Ever

Global Warming? Sounds Like Fun To Me!

June 28th, 2006

I’m sure you’ve heard about Al Gore’s movie “An Inconvenient Truth?” If not, it’s a documentary about the impact of global warming on our environment. Recently the Associated Press contacted 100 scientists and asked them their opinion on the film and they overwhelmingly agreed that Gore did a very good job presenting the scientific facts of global warming.

Of course, a small number of scientists disagree with Gore on this issue, but since those dissenters seem to regularly receive checks from Exxon/Mobil I’m not sure how much credence I’d lend their claim that Gore’s film is simply global alarmism. They remind me of the one out of five dentists who don’t recommend brushing regularly.

I hope we’re finally coming to the point where the desire to combat global warming transcends political affiliation and simply becomes a collective movement for the betterment of human kind. I’m sure it won’t happen in this administration but maybe the next one, whether it be republican or democrat, will lead the world by example in battling global warming.

Don’t misunderstand me: I’m not one of those nitwits who believe we possess the capability to destroy the Earth. “Save the Earth.” What a dumbass non-philosophy. It should have been “Save the Humans,” ‘cause isn’t that what we’re really talking about? The Earth will pretty much adapt to whatever conditions occur, but the people? I’m not saying we’ll become extinct; I think we’re much too resilient and intelligent for that. But I certainly don’t want my great-grandkids worrying about where they’ll get the money to buy the new Hilfiger Haz-Mat suit.

As much as my intellectual side hopes we’re experiencing a paradigm shift in the way that we view global warming the sci-fi nerd in me hopes we’ve reached the point of no return.

Just in case a swift and violent environmental disaster occurs, here are my tips for survival in the wasteland:

1. Find a shotgun. Unless you’re a trained marksman (or a high school nerd) handguns will only get you into trouble. Inevitably you’ll pull out your hand-cannon on a group of marauding mutants, take a shot at the leader, miss, and then get mocked while they rape and pillage you. With a shotgun you don’t even have to aim. Just point in general vicinity of the mutants and pull the trigger and the buck-shot will do the rest. Just ask Harry Whittington.

2. As Hurricane Katrina and “Waterworld” taught us, an abundance of water does not necessarily equal an abundance of potable water. You’ll need some means by which to re-hydrate yourself while battling the anarchists and nihilists, and I’m sorry, but beer will not do (it actually dehydrates you). You can find a lot of ways on-line for rendering rainwater drinkable, but that’s so pedestrian, and besides, there’s simply an easier way. Click the arrow in the middle of the picture to the right and Tyler Durden will explain it to you:

3. Get in shape. Right now. Don’t wait for a tribe of cannibals to begin chasing you to decide that your jogging-stamina needs work. If at all possible hire a physical trainer to chase you around with a shiv while screaming incoherently, because there’s nothing like real-world situations to heighten the immediacy of your work-out. Also, learn to kick people in the groin and to punch at the neck. Use the adam’s apple as a target. And for God’s sake don’t forget about eye-gouging. Too many people underestimate the effectiveness of a thumb in the eye-socket. Just remember: if they can’t see you they can’t invade your orifices.

4. Learn to manipulate and organize masses of people into doing your bidding whether it benefits them or not. I’d recommend watching hours of Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell. If you can find tapes of David Koresh and Charles Manson those are decent as well. (Yes, I did compare Falwell and Robertson to Manson and Koresh. The only difference between them is that Falwell and Robertson are a smidge more refined). You’ll need large groups of folks to sacrifice themselves for the greater good, i.e. you. It’s not necessary that you convince them to ingest a cocktail of grape Flavor-Aide with a splash of cyanide and a twist of valium, but it’s good to know they would if you asked. Remember: You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, but you can always lace the honey with narcotics if the flies piss you off.

And that’s it. In the spirit of full disclosure I should tell you that there are more things I’ve written down that I’m just not all that willing to share. I mean, I’ve gotta have some way to get the upper hand on everyone once the hurricanes attack and destroy our freedoms.

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June 27th, 2006

links for 2006-06-27

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June 26th, 2006

links for 2006-06-26

SNAFU

June 26th, 2006

Well, it looks like my domain name works properly again. Sorry about the little meltdown, but on the plus side at least it got fixed within two days.

Now things can return to normal…relatively speaking…

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June 25th, 2006

links for 2006-06-25

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