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March 31st, 2006

links for 2006-03-31

  • Warning! This shirt is very…well not really offensive, but definitely juvenile and definitely not something you’d want on your screen if your mom were in the room or you were in the dining area of a Baptist school surfing the net. It is funny though
  • He looks so happy in the crane machine amidst all the stuff animals. I guess he kept dodging the little claw so they had to resort to breaking the machine open.
  • Macedonia has 95% free wi-fi coverage. 95 freaking percent. Makes me want to steal something to compensate for paying TM $50 a month. That’s a figure almost as infuriating as our voting turn-out as compared to Iraq, Afghanistan, and Israel.
  • Please don’t pray for me if I get sick. I think God’s getting tired of all the whining from the little humans, so he’s having a some fun answering the prayers. It’s like structuring a wish in a game of D&D with a sadistic DM. Analogy too nerdy? Damn!
  • Man, Ryu and Chun Li are sexy dancers. Who knew?

Beam Me U…You Know What? Don’t Even Bother.

March 31st, 2006

You know what I miss? Alien abductions. We’re currently experiencing a drought of alien abductions and I think that’s just a crying shame.

Remember the late eighties and early nineties when alien abductions were the topic of every magazine and every other yahoo claimed to be an abduction survivor? Weren’t those good times? The Enquirer, Weekly World News, hell I bet even Time, all led with stories and pictures of those goofy-ass grey aliens with the big walnut eyes and the elongated fingers. Logic and empiricism be dammed, those things were believable looking!

Hollywood even produced several movies which were “based on true stories” about abduction. They took Whitley Strieber’s hilarious book “Communion” and made a movie out of it, and FOX even aired that “footage” of the alien autopsy. We had all kinds of exciting conspiracy theories about Area 51 and Rowsell and rumors of the President meeting with the alien overlords. Those were exciting times, weren’t they? How naive we all were back then to believe that a government that can’t even cover up torture could cover up alien visitors. Good times, huh?

And cattle mutilation? Whatever happened to that? I miss that. Did the aliens suddenly realize that the secrets to the cosmos reside someplace other than inside the weird, mooing quadrupeds on the little mudball three planets out from the little yellow sun? Probably. Either that, or the rednecks who attacked the cows with chainsaws eventually went to jail for an unrelated crime.

It’s sad really. I suppose people just stopped caring enough to make up stories and lies.

Apathy. It’ll be the downfall of everything good, you mark my words.

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March 30th, 2006

links for 2006-03-30

The…A Great American Novel: Or Making Amends

March 30th, 2006

On Monday I published the post titled “The…A Great American Novel,” and in that post I noted the impossibility and futility in attempting to discover “the” great American novel, and instead proposed that as readers we should strive to find “a” great American novel in respect to time and place. I then composed a very short list of works which I considered to have captured the American soul within their framework, and also poetically illuminated American ideals in all their many forms, whether they are hopeful and hardworking or nihilistic and anarchic.

In the midst of editing the list I noticed all my choices were male, and I offhandedly commented as much at the end of the post. Anniina also noticed my gender-omission and pointed it out in the comments section. I vowed to formulate another list, this time comprised solely of females.

In the original post I listed authors who I felt the academic academy had unjustly ignored, perhaps because of their contemporary or popular appeal, and attempted to steer clear of works canonized and readily taught in institutions of higher education. This proved somewhat difficult for the female list, and probably because of my own reading habits more than anything else.

See, the American female authors I read on a regular basis, Anne Rice, Candace Bushnell, Madeleine L’Engle, Holly Lisle, Poppy Brite, and Laurell K. Hamilton, haven’t really written what I’d characterize as a great American novel. Entertaining? Most certainly. But truly great? Mmmm, less certain on that one. Bushnell’s the only one who comes close, but even still, I don’t really think she quite gets there. As Anniina pointed out in her comment, our culture hasn’t exactly encouraged women to become writers until very recently, and in some places I suspect a number of folks still harbor the notion that writing is an artistic pursuit best left to men. Consequently, male authors greatly outnumber female authors, thus making list-constructing endeavors like mine doomed to insult the female readers before I ever placed fingers to keyboard (I’m exaggerating a bit, but at the same time I’m not).

I did formulate a list I’m proud of without using Lee, O’Connor, Wolff, Morrison, Walker, Jacobs, Hinton, etc. You’ll have to forgive me, because I did include two Pulitzer winners.

“The Dispossessed” Ursula K. le Guin. I led off with PKD in the last post so I only thought it appropriate to lead off with a sci-fi author on the female list as well. If you think females are underrepresented in mainstream publishing then you must not be a sci-fi fan because they are practically non-existent in the techo-nerd community. Unless you’re talking about Ursula, that is. She’s been publishing in the genre for nearly fifty years. In “The Dispossessed” le Guin explores the possibilities of a Utopia, and the dangers of a centralized government.

“A Thousand Acres” Jane Smiley. Smiley reworks “King Lear” and places her story of sibling rivalry, greed, and betrayal on a farm in Zebulon County, Iowa. The dilemma of how a rural woman defines herself, mother, sister daughter, becomes a central theme of the novel. We begin to see that in Zebulon County, and on the Cook farm in particular, women are defined by their relationships to men and their ability to bare children.

“Shipping News” E. Annie Proulx. Yes, this is the basis for the shitty Kevin Spacey movie, but don’t hold that against the novel. And I also don’t wanna hear any semantic complaint that I should exempt this one because it takes place in Newfoundland. This text perfectly captures the hurt and psychic damage that occurs after a horrible relationship. Besides, Quoyle eventually seizes control of the foreign newspaper and manages it with the flair of a capitalist, just as any true American would.

“Christ Our Lord: Out of Egypt” Anne Rice. Okay. I know I listed her as a female author who I didn’t consider “great,” but I rethought my decision and I’m listing her here for the exact same reason I listed Frey on my other list: she’s capitalizing on exploitation. Frey capitalized on our societies voyeuristic need to see folks hit bottom for entertainment pleasure, regardless of “facts,” and Rice has cleverly capitalized on the current fad of renouncing past debauchery to embrace radical fundamentalism…and then profiting from the fundamentalism.

So that’s my list. Whattya think?

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March 29th, 2006

links for 2006-03-29

  • See? This is why movies need to stop relying on special effects and turn their attention to quality direction, stories, and acting. If some schmo on the internet can create video this impressive then effects driven movies are doomed.
  • A 1999 Fox pilot directed by Ben Stiller and starring Jack Black as Jack, and Owen Wilson voicing his motorcycle Heat Vision. Yes, his motorcycle. Also starring Ron Silver as Ron Silver and Christine Davis. Funny stuff, but not for everyone.
  • I posted an instructional video about bicycles a while back that was pretty creepy. Well, this one makes that one look like an episode of Mister Rogers. Wait…he was kinda creepy too. Anyway, this is from 1954 and it was produced by Disney for Kotex.
  • A comparison of Paris Hilton and the girl from “Caddyshack” to determine who is in fact the most spoiled. I don’t want to ruin it for you, but herpes, or rumors of, are the deciding factor.
  • «Man will not fly for 50 years.» Wilbur Wright, American aviation pioneer, to brother Orville, after a disappointing flying experiment, 1901 (their first successful flight was in 1903).

Link Dump Heads Up

March 29th, 2006


I just checked my link dump queue and it appears that most of the things I had tagged were silly videos. I guess that’s good or bad, depending on what you expect from this blog. So anyway, enjoy, and if you’d rather the link dumps be comprised of something different let me know.

Advice?

March 29th, 2006

I’d like to solicit some advice and recommendations from my lovely readers. In two weeks Leigh and I will begin a three week vacation to Europe. We’re visiting London, Venice, Florence, Rome, Athens, and Delphi.

If any of my readers would like to share travel tips, restaurant recommendations, decent theaters, free wi-fi hotspots, or anything else of interest I would appreciate it greatly.

Now, I don’t want anyone to worry about my absence. We just bought a new laptop to take with us and I have every intention of posting while on vacation. The new laptop even sports a nifty built-in card reader so I can easily post pictures. Most likely I’ll create a photostream on flickr (use the link on the sidebar to visit my flickr photos) for the majority of the photos I want to share, but I’ll post the exceptional ones here as well.

Peasant Magic

March 28th, 2006

You ever see something you wish you hadn’t? And later on you became haunted by the image that seemingly burned into your consciousness and kept pushing itself to the forefront of your brain? Maybe a picture of yourself with an ex, a dead dog on the side of the road, or a half-eaten bug in the fresh bite off your burger? I saw something like that last night, and here it is:No big deal you say? Just a guy in a ballcap? No, that’s not just a guy. That’s James “Lo Pan” Hong from the phenomenal movie “Big Trouble in Little China.” See, this is what he normally looks like:Now why did that first image disturb me? Because, I screen-captured that off an episode of “The Dukes of Hazzard,” titled “Miz Tisdale on the Lam” where Mr. Lo Pan plays Billy Joe Fong.

Get it? “Billy Joe,” ‘cause he lives in Hazzard and it sounds more than a little hickish, and “Fong” because it rhymes with “Dong” and that’s what I imagine he felt like while playing this character. When we first meet Billy he’s in the midst of borrowing Cooter’s welder to repair his wok. And no, I’m not making that up.

Billy Joe Fong spends the episode acting as a decoy for Miz Tisdale and riding around on her side-car equipped motorcycle so as to distract Boss Hogg. He drives rather crazily, swaying this way and that, all while screaming Chinese-sounding gibberish, and is perpetually in a collision course with something, whether it be Bo and Luke or Rosco’s police car. This character couldn’t be more stereotypical and clichéd if Mickey Rooney were playing it.

At the point in the show where I screen-captured Billy Joe Fong, or BFJ as his friends call him, he has just invited Bo and Luke to eat dinner with him, which consisted of “Southern Fried Wontons, Sweet and Sour Hog Chaw, and Chitin Chow-mien.” Again, I’d like to emphasize I did not make that up.

I sincerely hope that the writer and person in charge of casting this episode were punished for this nonsense by being drug off to the hell where people are skinned alive.

If anyone needs me I’ll be in the bathroom washing my eyes out with bleach.

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March 28th, 2006

links for 2006-03-28

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March 27th, 2006

links for 2006-03-27

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