Several nights ago I was watching Dinner For Five and the guests were Roger Corman (who has helped film 360 of the crappiest films committed to celluiod) Bruce “Don’t Call Me Ash” Campbell, Rob Zombie, and of course Jon Favreau. Through the course of the discussion Bruce and Roger began talking about how the movie industry has changed. They noted how in previous years movies were marketed according to region, and they were not released nationwide. If your movie bombed in New York you could rethink your marketing plan, take the movie to Dallas and try again, thereby insuring that you would at least make your money back.

Anyone who follows movies knows that now days if the movie doesn’t kick ass at the box office on it’s opening weekend it is considered a flop.

I’m wondering how much impact the internet is having for the directors who are clever enough to use it. David Duchovny, who has written, directed, and is starring in the new film House of D, has started a blog to promote his movie. Kevin Smith has done the same thing with his site News Askew, with a great deal of success.

There are so many ways the internet allows people to side-step societal, political, and economic norms that I’m curious if this is another avenue, marketing I mean, that will have to be rethought. If so, it will mean that successful directors will almost be forced to enter into a much more intimate relationship with the intended audience. Then, maybe, audiences won’t have to sit through shit like Wild Wild West and wonder what waterhead thought it was a good idea to include a really big spider.

While talking to a friend tonight I mentioned the book Small Gods by Terry Pratchett. The book is about what happens when people continue to worship a god, but they really don’t believe in him. They go to church, they tithe, they sing all the songs, but deep down they don’t have any belief left. This is a story of a god who only has one true believer left. And the believer turns out to be a bit of a moron. Here is an excerpt:

—Many stories start long before they begin, and Brutha’s story had its origins thousands of years before his birth.

There are billions of gods in the world. They swarm as thick as herring roe. Most of them are too small to see and never get worshipped, at least by anything bigger than bacteria, who never say their prayers and don’t demand much in the way of miracles.

They are the small gods - the spirits of places where two ant trails cross, the gods of micro climates down between the grass roots. And most of them stay that way.
Because what they lack is belief .

A handful, though, go on to greater things. Anything may trigger it. A shepherd, seeking a lost lamb, finds it among the briars and takes a minute or two to build a small cairn of stones in general thanks to whatever spirits might be around the place. Or a peculiarly shaped tree becomes associated with a cure for disease. Or someone carves a spiral on an isolated stone. Because what gods need is belief, and what humans want is gods.

Often it stops there. But sometimes it goes further. More rocks are added, more stones are raised, a temple is built on the site where the tree once stood. The god grows in strength, the belief of its worshippers raising it upwards like a thousand tons of rocket fuel. For a very few, the sky’s the limit.

And, sometimes, not even that.—

It’s really a great read. Go buy it.

Slate has a review up for the new movie Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, as does Hollywood Bitchslap (Yeah the name is a tad vulgar, but they have the most honest reviews around).

I’m a little concerned about this one. This is probably one of the first true scifi books I ever read, and I really want the movie to be at least decent. When I think about the changes that have been made I try to remember that Douglas Adams changed the story everytime he had the chance. The original radio program is different from the novel. The BBC television series is different from the novel and the radio program, and the picture book (which is a rare item…and I have one nyah nyah nyah) is different from all previous versions. So obviously Adams viewed it as a work in progress.

For the mega-nerd: This is a site that has an online version of the original Hitchhiker’s video game…which I played on my Commodore 64 . The game is still pretty fun.

Kevin Smith (the link is to his blog) has posted a review for Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. If you don’t want to know anything about the movie, don’t read it. Smith reveals a lot of plot points. You have been warned.

Just a little trivia for non-nerds: The title of Return of the Jedi was originally Revenge of the Jedi. He even had posters printed up with that title, but at the last moment the studio thought the title was too harsh and they changed it to the less agressive “Return.”

Tonight, Leigh and I had the honor of meeting an artist. I’m sure I had met one before, but tonight there was no doubt. Jonathan Safran Foer (an author I’ve spoke of before on this blog) visited Bookpeople in Austin tonight. He answered questions about his works and signed books. Here’s a photo of Myself, Leigh, and JSF:

He looks rather unhappy in that picture, but I can assure you he was a very gracious and funny person. See:

Some highlights:

“I don’t think people go to meet books. I think that books go to meet people and they meet somewhere in the middle.”

“Writing for me is like walking down a dark hall. You can’t see anything and you have to find your way by touch. Then you get to the end of the hall and switch the light on and turn around and find the walls covered with the pages of your book.”

The last question of the evening was asked by a girl of about ten or twelve. She asked if he regretted anything about being a writer. JSF thought for a few moments then asked her if she ever regretted being honest, because he said being a writer was very much like being honest. It was a lot of work, but in the end something to be very proud of.

He was a classy guy. I still can’t believe that someone my age can write with the beauty and honesty that comprises JSF’s work.

His first book is Everything is Illuminated and his newly released book is Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Do yourself a favor and buy them. Very rarely will a book make me cry. That’s something that almost never happens, but I think I may have shed more tears reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close than any other work I have ever read. And amazingly the end still felt hopeful.

Go buy’em.

My friend Jim attended as well, and as soon as he sends me his pictures, I’ll post them too.
Special thanks to my beautiful fiance for taking the photo of JSF smiling.

I’ve seen The Matrix more times that I should have.
That said, this site has posted the funniest retelling of the movie I’ve ever seen. Little pictures accompany the text, and the text is pure genuis:

“Neo went to a club where they played White Zombie and he started talking to the girl who looked like a boy and her name was Trinity”

and

“Neo went to see the Oracle and she was a sassy old black woman baking cookies and she was the only person in the entire computer who was not dressed in a 10,000 dollar suit. She said some bullshit like “no, you aren’t The One even though Neo is an anagram for ‘one’ and everyone believes in you and the movie is obviously about you.” This was apparently exactly what The Neo needed to hear to turn his letters around. ”

Just go to the site and read the rest of it for youself, if for no other reason than to see Laurence Fishburne referred to as “Cowboy Curtis,” again.

Miracles nowadays really suck. I don’t even think the Divine is really trying anymore. No wonder churches are always asking for money. God needs to increase his advertising budget.

I bet the cheese on that first one was something cheap, like velveeta. Or that crappy low-fat cheese that doesn’t really melt, but instead slowly burns away.

At least this guy seems to know his miracle-making-apparatus could very well produce rotten miracles (Well, I would consider Willem DaFoe a rotten miracle.)

This site has a list of ten common mistakes writers make. It seems geared more towards fiction writing than academic, but the site has some good suggestions nonetheless. Kind of an aside, but I’m tired of people using the phrase “show don’t tell.” That was probably witty back in 1963 when someone uttered it during a writing conference in California, but it’s getting kinda old.

Wow…that was a little venomous.

This person is trying to sell a haunted bra on eBay. Be sure to read the descriptions. They’re the funniest part.

We finished covering Paradise Lost tonight in class. Makes me sad. In honor of PL I would like to post the first chapter of Good Omens, a novel by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. This was a work (along with many others) that got me interested in Paradise Lost.

This post will be a little longer than others, but it’s my blog and if you don’t like it….thppppppt! Enjoy:

It was a nice day.
All the days had been nice. There had been rather more than seven of them so far, and rain hadn’t been invented yet. But clouds massing east of Eden suggested that the first thunderstorm was on its way, and it was going to be a big one.
The angel of the Eastern Gate put his wings over his head to shield himself from the first drops.
“I’m sorry,” he said politely. “What was it you were saying?”
“I said, that one went down like a lead balloon,” said the serpent.
“Oh. Yes,” said the angel, whose name was Aziraphale.
“I think it was a bit of an overreaction, to be honest,” said the serpent. “I mean, first offense and everything. I can’t see what’s so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil, anyway.”
“It must be bad,” reasoned Aziraphale, in the slightly concerned tones of one who can’t see it either, and is worrying about it, “otherwise you wouldn’t have been involved.”
“They just said, Get up there and make some trouble,” said the serpent, whose name was Crawly, although he was thinking of changing it now. Crawly, he’d decided, was not him.
“Yes, but you’re a demon. I’m not sure if it’s actually possible for you to do good,” said Aziraphale. “It’s down to your basic, you know, nature. Nothing personal, you understand.”
“You’ve got to admit it’s a bit of a pantomime, though,” said Crawly. “I mean, pointing out the Tree and saying ‘Don’t Touch’ in big letters. Not very subtle, is it? I mean, why not put it on top of a Hjgh mountain or a long way off? Makes you wonder what He’s really planning.”
“Best not to speculate, really,” said Aziraphale. “You can’t second-guess ineffability, I always say. There’s Right, and there’s Wrong. If you do Wrong when you’re told to do Right, you deserve to be punished. Er.”
They sat in embarrassed silence, watching the raindrops bruise the first flowers.
Eventually Crawly said, “Didn’t you have a flaming sword?”
“Er,” said the angel. A guilty expression passed across his face, and then came back and camped there.
“You did, didn’t you?” said Crawly. “It flamed like anything.”
“Er, well-”
“It looked very impressive, I thought.” “Yes, but, well-”
“Lost it, have you?”
“Oh no! No, not exactly lost, more-”
“Well?”
Aziraphale looked wretched. “If you must know,” he said, a trifle testily, “I gave it away.”
Crawly stared up at him.
“Well, I had to,” said the angel, rubbing his hands distractedly. “They looked so cold, poor things, and she’s expecting already, and what with the vicious animals out there and the storm coming up I thought, well, where’s the harm, so I just said, look, if you come back there’s going to be an almighty row, but you might be needing this sword, so here it is, don’t bother to thank me, just do everyone a big favor and don’t let the sun go down on you here.”
He gave Crawly a worried grin.
“That was the best course, wasn’t it?”
“I’m not sure it’s actually possible for you to do evil,” said Crawly sarcastically. Aziraphale didn’t notice the tone.
“Oh, I do hope so,” he said. “I really do hope so. It’s been worrying me all afternoon.”
They watched the rain for a while.
“Funny thing is,” said Crawly, “I keep wondering whether the apple thing wasn’t the right thing to do, as well. A demon can get into real trouble, doing the right thing.” He nudged the angel. “Funny if we both got it wrong, eh? Funny if I did the good thing and you did the bad one, eh?”
“Not really,” said Aziraphale. Crawly looked at the rain.
“No,” he said, sobering up. “I suppose not.”
Slate-black curtains tumbled over Eden. Thunder growled among the hills. The animals, freshly named, cowered from the storm.
Far away, in the dripping woods, something bright and fiery flickered among the trees.
It was going to be a dark and stormy night.

Still doing Milton research. I think I may hate him now. I’m not sure.

I find myself wandering on the web when I should be working. I haven’t started cooking pickles yet so that’s a good sign.

I found a site called The Literature Network. They have “over 300 full books and over 1000 short stories and poems by over 90 authors.” On-line works are kind of crap to read, but they are a God-send when it comes to research. The ability to do a word search alone makes it worth while.

The Online Etymology Dictionary is also kinda neat. This is a list of the sources that comprise their database.

The OED it’s not (although it is one of their sources) it’s still incredibly impressive. And it’s free. Always a big plus.

eBay never ceases to amaze. The person selling this car was described on one web site as using “skewed batman camera angles,” and while I agree they are as wacky as Batman and Robin are homoerotic, I prefer to think of them as something Michael Bay would have shot while on high on angel dust. But that’s just me.

Back to Milton…

I’m tired of reading about Milton. I like’em…but I’m tired of’em.

I’ve been messing with this site to try and take my mind off Adam and Eve. It’s a site called Cartoon Fridge. They stream episodes of cartoons like Family Guy, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Futurama, and (take note Dr. Womack) The Simpsons. They have all episodes of Family Guy, and all episodes of the Simpsons up through season twelve.

You kinda need a broadband connection to watch. Sorry AOLers. When you click an episode it asks you to install an active x control. Let it. It’s not malicious.

If you’ve never seen a Family Guy…well now you don’t have an excuse. May I suggest “Lethal Weapons” of season three?